I cannot believe that I read that.

Is that what you think home education is about- pumping information into the child like it is a computer?

I also note the regimental set up for the day etc. Incredible.

You are doing no different to the draconian school system which prepares children to be basic robots, doing as they are told and not thinking for themselves.

I have homeschooled 2 children and we never had all these ups and downs you speak of.

If the energy between you all is not in harmony then you need to stop and think again.

My son had his own business at 15.

Both had such a love of learning what they wanted to learn and focus on once basic reading etc was accomplished.

May I suggest you stop setting a target as learning is going with the flow and you are in fact remjetting energy wise.

Wishing you well and enjoy the journey.

The catholic cult with its ancient rituals of molesting children to steal their innocence/light.

What most people do not yet know is that the Catholic church speaks against pedophilia but not its sacred ritual of molesting children.

The catholic church is word specific.

http://one-evil.org/acts/acts_child_molestation.htm
“The history of religious and systematic abuse of children

To date, the Roman Cult, otherwise known as the Vatican is the only organization in history to orchestrate as a “sacred” religious ceremony the systematic and widespread encouragement of its clergy to abuse of children from as late as the 14th Century.

The physical and mental abuse of tens of millions of children for 700 years by the clergy of the Vatican is the largest unbroken “child abuse ring” of all time, still in complete operation througout its priesthood today.”

Psychiatrists evade psychopaths. Mainly because they know their condition is an untreatable neurological disorder (brain malfunction from birth probably from a defective gene) and secondly because they fear psychopaths and the harm they can cause. Note for example the threats made by Father’s Rights groups made to CAFCASS workers, throwing flour bombs at the Prime Minister in Parliament, threatening to kidnap the Prime Minister’s son, killing a judge and another judge’s wife in Australia, and their many other antics such as climbing the walls of Buckingham Palace and the Sydney Harbour Bridge. Note also the number of Revenge Killings of their children by psychopathic parents, such as with Darcey Freeman, the Farquharson children, Yazmin Acar and many others following Family Court decisions which did not meet those parents’ wants and demands.

My best description of events in Family Courts are that they are Moral and Ethical Insanity.

Each “player struts and frets their hour upon the stage”, collects their pieces of gold, and departs without a thought for the suffering and pain they have caused.

I work in America in a very affluent and expensive, small Montessori school/daycare. Working with babies and young children has been my passion since my first son was born 34 years ago. I home educated both our sons and cared for other people’s babies along the way, some for as long as 4 years. I have to keep working at 65; my husband was disabled in 1999.

My special age group and strength is working with infants from 6 weeks to 18 months with a 2:6 ratio, staff to babies, increased temporarily to 3:6 when phasing in new babies. I am technically an ‘assistant’ in our classroom despite my 1972 British Nursery/Infant teacher training certificate, U.S. Pikler style training (based on Magda Gerber’s work with the Hungarian pediatrician Emmi Pikler, called RIE here ‘Resources for Infant Educarers’) and 34 years experience – the most of any staff member. My Lead infant teacher took a 6-week residential American Montessori Society training course, has worked unsupervised and unmentored since then and has still not completed her final paperwork for ‘certification’. I wouldn’t want the Lead teacher job even if I had Montessori training!

I have worked with every age group in our three classrooms: Infants, Toddlers 18 months to 3 years, and Primary, mostly 3 and 4 year olds right now, and know all but the newest toddlers.

In the past 4 years there have really been too many awful transitions to recount. They include phasing-in two children adopted into the same family, one from China the other a year or so later from Korea. Those phase-ins took place within the first year of adoption for each child when they were each no more than 2 years old! So much trauma in such a short life span.

The amount of sobbing that goes on in these cases is painful to see. Watching an unskilled school owner (a lawyer) and teachers try and cope is heart rending – I just wanted to tell the parents to take their babies home, but most don’t want to, some can’t because they’re working.

These children eventually seem to function but I’m certain that their souls are broken! (As if they weren’t already broken, in the cases of the adopted children)

The most stable developmental trajectories and transitions only (ONLY!) happen when a child belongs to a warm and loving family and has gently grown up in our care or has grown up at home with a ‘good enough’ mother (that’s rare). Those from our infant programme transition slowly over several weeks into our toddler programme and with the knowledge that their infant staff are still around.

Children 18 months and older frequently arrive ‘cold’ into our toddler and primary programmes with such a complexity of developmentally delayed behaviours that it is impossible to know where they came from. Some are the children of working parents, some have been through other facilities (we get no true feedback on those situations), some have made a poor transition into our earlier programme as infants (poor attachment to mother in every case I’ve observed), been removed from our facility for parental convenience, expelled from their next facility and back into ours – all before they are 3 years old! Oh, the screaming - the stories I could tell.

Some children even arrive at our US English-speaking programme without a foundation in English. There are many Spanish only speaking families here in South Florida who enroll their children with us under the impression (the owner’s sales pitch I suspect) that they will learn English. A friend who is a speech and language specialist tells me that those children should be taught English as a second language (called ESOL in the US). No one on our staff has enough experience to trust my judgement and her opinion so we continue to try and educate unresponsive children.

We currently have in the range of 75% of toddlers with developmental, emotional, speech and behavioural delays, no matter if they were adopted, from birth families only or from other facilities, and close to that percentage in our primary classroom.

There is something seriously amiss with the US daycare situation. My impression is that everything lies at home with parents. Our school is relatively small and friendly but there has been a tremendous turnover of staff due to the nature of our work. Just two of us have stayed for 4 years since the school opened. Six other staff members have been with us for a year or less! So much for continuity of care!

Apart from the nature of the work – challenging with developmentally delayed children and unqualified staff (only one staff member has any experience with children with autism, she is highly qualified and experienced but from Brazil and still struggling with her English) – I haven’t received a pay increase in 4 years and there are no benefits (living in the US, I had to depend on my husband working to have health insurance), the hours are long and the holidays few and unpaid.

I work every day from 12-6.30 or 7 p.m. without a break – I am what’s called ‘a closer’: once all the children have left I clean up our infant rooms and toys, set it up for the next day, take out the rubbish and close down the school for the day – I also make sure the washing machine and dryer have done their jobs, put on the dishwasher, brought in the heavy gym mats we use outside, greased the track of the patio door, vacuumed and mopped the floors, sanitised tables and changing table, the list goes on! On occasion I start at 9 a.m., get a paid one-hour lunch break and work through until my usual closing time – that’s a 10 hour day!

Some of the challenges of ever changing staff are: they are young (in their 20’s), it takes a while to learn the routine of the school and where you fit in, the work is really hard (and most degree owning 20-somethings aren’t given to working as hard as my generation!), and for the most part only one or two staff members really understand how destructive childcare can be to a child’s long term development.

I originally stayed to ensure a little 9 month old would be well cared for – he used to spend his days lying quietly under a fan, flapping his hands with his tongue hanging out! No one on staff at that time thought it was strange! I immediately thought ‘autism?’ He is 4 now and because he comes from a loving family he is doing fine. I feel I protected him, but I am sure he would have made even better progress in a kinder care situation.

Now his sister is due to join our infants in January and I feel I must stay and ensure her safety too!

Many thanks to Dr. White for an important reminder of keeping up our high standards for the youngest in every population! It is very sad for me to feel that I must look to the UK and newsletters like Children Webmag for support and reinforcement of good work!

This helps explain and piece together many questions I had from 1994.

I am interested in this, because of my own experience, at the hands of a British trained social worker employed by child protection in the Republic Of Eire/Ireland.

I had no knowledge of other cases in USA and UK.

What began as a domestic violence case turned out to be a witch trial and Hunting Satan(who does not exist)

I wondered where the social worker and probation officer got all their ideas as it made no logical sense to me.

In the notes it says “she wore an obelisk symbol brooch”- obelisk was apparently a Satanic symbol.

The laughable thing is- I wore Nefertiti. Now how Nefertiti is mistaken for an obelisk, I will never know, but we could ask that social worker?

That was all it took to be demonised as a satanic witch- no broomstick, etc.

Reading this though , I see where the fear of loosing a Catholic from the fold might be seen at the time as important.

I was ordered to ask the religion of every child who came to play with mine and only to allow Catholic ones to my child’s birthday party- so I moved the party to UK to avoid disappointment and I refused to teach my children to only associate with Irish Catholics. All other nationalities were forbidden by social workers to visit my home.

The children suffered terribly during the so called assessment/interogation. My son was broken down by the social worker and psychologist to the point where he did not even know his name or where he was. He had disassociated- abused by the very professionals paid to protect him. He refused to go back in to ever speak with them again, and so Electric Shock Therapy was proposed in order to burn out the memories of abuse.

The social worker asked me to repeat 3 times after him that he had the power. I refused.

The judge obeyed the social worker- exactly as the social worker had said he would.

The judge refused to read any affidavits from non Irish and non Catholics.

At the time, I was trying to work out if it was 1994 or 1694 as the whole experience was like a witch hunt, with the witch/me in supposed league with Satan.

I would like to thank Charles Pragnell for helping me through it all, keeping me sane and laughing through the nonsense of it all.

The witch accusations I learned are in our collective consciousness and every now and then a memory triggers off the fear- especially for women.

2010- in the same area as me- parents were told to change their religion to Catholic or loose their children.

So it does appear that certain areas are more prone to having supposed witches in league with this Satan fella- whom no one has ever met.

It is a horrific experience though to find yourself a parent and your children in and I sure hope the above finally puts the insanity re witches and Satan to rest.

[…]Child Sexual Abuse: The Experiences of Victims and Abusers » Children & Child Care[…]…

- spent an unhealthy amount of time alone instead of with his brothers and sisters
- made up wild stories about killing lions and bears with his bare hands… as a teenager
- as a young man, showed up his own king (a military hero) by claiming he could do what his country’s leader could not
- got so angry about his friends being “dissed”; he was going to kill a drunk who challenged them
- was so jealous about his girlfriend being given to another; that he harbored that resentment for years
- took in for himself a wife whose husband had been dead but a few days; and, married a second one on the same day
- slept all afternoon and then, bored out of his mind, took a stroll at night - scoping out another’s man’s wife
- had sex with a man’s wife while he was serving in the army overseas
- got a man’s wife pregnant and then, tried to get the husband to have sex with her to cover it up
- arranged to have his most loyal officer killed in battle so he could marry his wife
- refused to discipline his own son; even though it meant that son would come to completely disrespect him as a father
- was so vain, that he numbered every person in his kingdom so he could see how important he was
- didn’t believe simply killing a man in battle was enough; took the extra step and cut off their heads too
- tried to hide his “secret sins” for over a year - believing no one could really see what he was doing
- became angry when he would hear of others mistreating their neighbor but not when he was doing so
- would often be prone to weeping and calling out to a supernatural being that he believed would deliver him
- called his own friends “enemies” when they refused to comfort him after he was “outed” by his own sins
- acted like a madman in a foreign country so he could escape the authorities who wanted to arrest him for killing one of their own citizens
- at the end of his life, allowed a beautiful virgin to sleep with him in his bed instead of his own wife

This man was known for his passion, lying, narcissism, double talk, emotional instability, fits of anger, adulterer, murderer, deep depression, “needy” relationships with women, disloyalty and more…

- He is the most famous politician this world has ever witnessed
- More royalty has come from his seed that any other man on earth
- Considered the greatest foreign policy maker and military commander ever
- Had the respect of tens of thousands of women who seen him as their hero
- Men addressed him as Lord
- He wrote well over 300 songs and even today, they are more published than every other composer’s combined
- He is still mentioned by name even though he has been dead over 2,500 years

Even God describes him as, “A man after my own heart.”

Who is this incredibly unstable sociopath? King David of Ancient Israel; through which the Savior of our World came years later, “Jesus Christ, the Son of God.”

Thank God for “sociopaths.”

The next time you try to “fit’ anyone in the category of “sociopath”; you might want to consider why the bible NEVER refers to any person - no less a fellow Christian, by this title!

[…]Child and Adolescent Mental Health Today : A Handbook. Edited by C. Jackson, K. Hill and P. Lavis » Children & Child Care[…]…

one of the children as thye had to go, said to me, don’t stop fighting for us.

When will the courts learn, when will the courts hear, when will we get real help.

People who read Charles article, please be aware that it is real and it does happen. Do not think, like I did, that because you are telling the truth you will be believed. I could not believe the amount of lies the father told and was believed.

Be vigilant.

Kind Regards

Hannah

Karen
x

I saw this really good post today….

Hi Pippa, I would be happy to talk about alternative method’s of helping children without locking them up, of course if you commit crime you must face the consequences of your actions, which may include custodial sentencing. And like many of the comments on here if you are born into dysfunction how do you learn a healthy way to live if nothing is healthy around you. Certainly not by being locked up with other children who also know no boundaries, and then being treated like you are bad anyway.
I am now in my late 40’s and have just been through a court case the person who sexually abused me was finally arrested and after a year of waiting to go to court as a witness and then being cross-examined for a day and a half the case was ‘Stayed’, and i felt like they blamed me all over again…the judge said the sexual abuse was now an excuse for my behaviour as a teenager. I couldnt believe what i read…i didnt sit in the court i was advised not to. I was shocked that 30 years later such a comment was made by a female judge. They brought up my criminal history which is also 30 years old, what that had to do with his guilt I dont know. They didnt talk about the fact that i am now a healthy human being, i set my own business up 16 years ago and it is wonderful, i work in childcare. This is a short version.
I have so much to say. Not sure this is the right forum.

Physical abuse by the staff was rife too.

I will never forget the time I was taken downstairs by my key worker and a male member of staff to have a “chat” , I was in the middle of talking when suddenly he dived on top of me, threw me on the floor and told me to fight him. I remember being completely bewildered and scared but he wouldn’t get off till in the end, I panicked to the point of hysteria where I was thrashing about trying to get him off me, then the female worker dived on top of me too telling me to calm down. It was put down to a “restraint” , a very useful word when explaining the physical abuse of residents.

Having a bath in front of male staff was no fun either.

Worse was to come, I was moved from there to Melanie Klien House, also a place with a supposedly defunct secure unit where much worse abuse awaited me, have you investigated there?

First place to hit the headlines.

Enough said.

Thank you kindly…

Some have lost contact with siblings. So much destruction of human lives.

RAD was still being used a few years ago and in the one case I know of - the screams of the baby still haunt me. How is pain child protection?

I have researched to find that after various conferences social workers, nurses, doctors etc begin to see the type of abuse everywhere they go.

Same applies to lectures of witch finding. it is incredible and fascinating to observe the way these professionals are conditioned to see abuse, witches everywhere.

Do we wish to import the UK system of forced adoption and the loss of thousands of children from the “care” system?

From my experience in Eire and I have it on paper HSE do not take the abuse of children seriously and neither do family courts.
In fact last week on speaking to solicitor in Eire, I am once again told that if a service user dares to mentio child rape or torture at the hands of fathers especially, the protective mother will loose custody.

The judges are sick to death of hearing about rape and torture of Irish children.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So, because they are sick to death of it, does that give them the right to ban it being mentioned in OUR COURTS?

It is no different to the Catholic Church really.

We have the same secret star chamber courts, with no one allowed to speak the truth to the tax payers.

We have parents locked away for daring to speak out.

We have judges ordering victims of abuse home to obey thei criminal partners because of the Catholic religion and women and children being possessions of the patriarch.

As my solicitor pointed out- women and children are told they are equal, but under the surface nothing could be further from the truth.

HSE is so protective of children that it covers up for abusers by seeking ELECTRIC SHOCK THERAPY to burn out all memories of the abuse, so it can place the children back with the criminal abuser and use the law that the child has a right to both parents.

I have watched over the years hoping to see progress, but now I am reliably informed by the legal profession that things are in fact worse than 1995.

Now the law states that no matter how abusive the patriarch father is the children must have contact and if they dare to refuse, they will be kept in a room with their abuser UNTIL THEY BREAK AND OBEY.

The judges are totally aware- I asked to make sure- this is a breach of human rights for adults worldwide but not for Irish children.

Judges are therefore ordering children to be abused in order to comply with the law.

Law is not Justice.

So there is a lot to address to get free of the influence of the Catholic church and a good start will be to remove them from all quangos re family law, child law etc.

Secondly, the subject of women or men having sociopathic tendencies. My ex’s sister is certainly very similar, and my brother in law is a great parent to his two girls. We have a very similar lens of the crazy making that goes on, and what we’ve endured in our marriages to these two, and the way they parent and operate is very similar. They were raised in a family with alcoholic father and cold diminished mother; I think both were affected and many behaviors similar. There might be hope for the sister that shes just a victim with NPD or borderline, but one things for sure: my brother-in law and I have been able to validate eachother, so we dont feel so crazy, and our kids benefit from the fact that we can keep our feet on the truth at all times. Sometimes we’re even one step ahead of the curve-balls.
I think we both have PTSD, and I know him like my own brother because we’ve lived the same hell. I dont feel so stupid for having been in the fog because he’s a psychologist-he shouldve known; but he couldnt see it either.
I would not have been able to support my daughter through her illness nor would I have seen the truth if i had not read, “stop walking on eggshells” . Of course I spent a year thinking I was BPD… but now I know…this is the type of person I attracted because Im kind and trusting and I blame myself not others….”codependent no more” also a great book.
Even though Ive started to come out on the other side of the storm, I still get stuck and paralyzed with fear. All these self esteem sabotaging thoughts run through my head…all reminders of things said to me daily to diminish and control me.
I still trust people, but I trust myself now. That is most important. I’m a way better parent now and I need to be because these people are brutal on their kids. Too much power and control, no acceptance of the individual. And it was so isolating.
The most at risk member of the family is actually my dog I think at the moment. Its just so hard to believe there are so many layers, and you think “no way”, but after a while your bottom line falls out. Thanks for listening

My partner and I would like to set up a care home - my partner currently works in a home like yours and is keen on setting a home up of his own. Any advice would be greatly appriciated!

Best wishes

M Nelson

I am currently conducting literature review on Special Schools in Japan. I’d like to know more about the therapist-student ratio in special schools, and the selection of teachers to be in the special schools, etc.
Would appreciate if you could direct me to a website with info, or if possible, share with me info that you might have? Thanks!

I must say, its worth it! My link:http://gfryukl.scoom.com ,many Thanks….

Source:

Smart, A. (2007) The Waverley girls — nursery nurses who trained at the old Waverley College in
Nottingham — are holding a reunion later this month to mark its 60th anniversary. Nottingham Evening Post 9th. March.
Simms. M. C. (2010) Retention of Early Years Practitioners in Day Nurseries. Ph.D. Nottingham Trent University.

I came across your website while doing a search into “hackney social services children 1960’s” I was in residentual care as young child 5 - 6 years due to the break up of my parents relationship I was born in 1959 and am now 51 years old and would like to find out more about this early part of my life.
I have memories of this time some good some not so good but they are a bit muddled and dis-jointed a friend of mine has told me that if I was in care there must be a file somewhere ( maybe in an archieve) with details about my case and case histories etc.
My name is Alton Denis Gilkes but up until the age of about 7 I was known as Alton Bailey ( Bailey being my fathers surname).
My questions are :

1)Would there be a file with details on my case some where in an archieve?

2)If such a file exist how would i go about locating it and gaining accress to the contents ?

I would imagine access would be regulated by the freedoom of information legislation.

If you could assist me in this matter i would be most grateful.

Regards

Alton Gilkes

66 Cheneys Rd
Leytonstone London E11 3LN
Email: genaro1815@yahoo.co.uk
Mobile : 07810488247
Blackberry Pin: 220BBE37
Skype: genaro1815

Yes, I’ve been a victim of both, many times, chronically, and it is still ongoing. Have I mentioned that I’m proud of my clean criminal record? ;)

Jane you should be proud of yourself you did the right thing
(I’m 14)

mariostev1926@hotmail.com

For a social work practitioner, your article tho, theoretical { so much so we forget the ‘best interest of the child’ principle} had a key phrase that we would like to use while developing a code for child protection policies. Can we? the phrase is “to create space in which children can explore (experiment with) everything so that their souls connect in every way possible with the whole of the universe” .

ILO had in very simple terms aided in development of a code of practice for HIV mainstreaming. We dream of being able to develop a similar code through a participative process for child protection, such that the ‘best interest of the child’ audit is done before any project is undertaken by any organisation…similar to the environmental okays before a building project. Any materials you could mail us would be most welcome, to aid with this process.
Thanks
Edwina Pereira www.theinsaindia.org

What would a sociopath do if they were attacked from a different quarter - ie a civil suit? Is there someway to deflect his attention, do you think?

With gratitude for the work you do and the changes you are supporting
Terrified grandmother

Of course children should not be locked up if they are on a welfare order. What are you expecting them to learn from such a barbaric experience. You will create maladjusted children, create fear and finally set them on a path of life that is doomed to much sorrow and pain. You need to create for children, happiness understanding and allow them to understand. COMMUNICATION is vital. Not locked away in a terror unit however well designed and pretty, for that is what they are. It is about unconditional love.

Can staff give that? If not then they should be in a different job, what appals me most of all is that people staff these places with little child experience, child experience is not about text book learning. It is about experiencing and understanding the plight the children are put in through poor parenting. Poverty and etc. Goverment has no understanding of poverty and poor parenting.

50 years later I still have nightmares about being locked up in Avalon Approved School I had committed no crime; simply I was in the way at home. I liken it to rape - rape of my family put in such a place for a pereiod of time, marks you, makes you different, blackens your perspective of self, of worth, of ability of usefulness. You come out with a mind set that is set for doom. Full of fear. That fear penetrates every aspect of your life. Can you even imagine it. Of course you cannot, you have to experience living your young life under continual fear. If I see someone in Salvation Army uniform even today it evokes such horrific fear and painful memories I have to move fast and take full control of my mind.

Children should be VALUED they are not a cheap commodity. To value children you need to be able to understand and meet their needs. They are all different.

Just my thoughts now as a ‘grannie’. I survived I could be dead, a drug addict, a prostitute, somehow I survived; no thanks to Salvation Army Approved School or family.

I found something in me that made me angry at the injustice done to me and thousands of other young girls but who cares? - no one - I became determined to make a mark for myself and I did. It took some 20 years of self funded counselling sessions to come to terms with the horror. GP could not even fund counselling to put right what the goverment allowed to be done to me.

Jan J

For the record, I have witnessed similar behaviour in women too - similar, but some quite distinct differences to the way they act and possibly their motives. Most of the Parental Alienation and abuse from women seems to be borne out of fear of losing control or fear of their role as a mother/primary care-giver being diminished or diluted by a capable and loving father who may not understand her fear and treats her as hostile. The female narcissist/sociopath refers to the children as “hers”, diminishes the positive attributes of the father and plays up his faults. She tells the children she can’t afford to take them places or buy them things and to ask their father instead, yet she does take them places and buy things - more so than their father does. She is simply trying to paint a picture for the children that he won’t support them without actually saying it. She uses the children as messengers and tells them instead of their father that she doesn’t want him helping with homework or coming to soccer. She makes decisions about school, braces, curfews and extra-curricular activities without consulting him and explains it away by saying she didn’t think he’d be interested. She tells the children that dad can’t be bothered with these things. She is an adept liar and is so well practiced that she often isn’t aware she is doing it, but unlike a male narcissist cracks will more readily appear when challenged on her behaviour. I have personally come across two women like this in family law disputes recently - one of them is closer to just plain crazy than the other but both have close bonds with family. Ms Crazy is close to some of her ex’s family, but the other woman is under instruction by her own matriarch mother who dictates that men should earn the money and leave the children exclusively to mother.

I can understand the fear in some of these women and the less crazy of the two has appealed to me as a mother to support her own position to limit contact with the father, which I do not. However, family law in Australia undeniably offers the male narcissist/sociopath a greater opportunity to exert control over and prolong abuse of their ex-partners. The recent amendments also tend to diminish the role of mothers by saying both parents are equal. There is no longer any recognition of prior caring relationships and that a mother can carry a child within her for nine months, give birth and then breastfeed the infant for a year or more of its life only to be told this weighs no more heavily than the single cell donated by the father reeks of a legal system, not a justice system when that child is plucked out of her arms into a week-about arrangement as soon as the court deems it ready - sometimes as early as 12 months of age.

Of course, the “mostly amicable” separation that Charles refers to with 70% or more of people able to set aside their own differences and mediate, negotiate and keep re-visiting parenting arrangements as the children grow and change is the ideal - parents not using shared parenting as a way to control each other. Most parents I know make mistakes separated or not - the issue is the degree to which the other parent wants to use it, to the further detriment of the children.

I’ve always believed that to make a child requires a cell from each parent, but in the vast majority of families, parenting is almost never equal - child bearing is still the exclusive territory of women. Women are usually, but not always the primary carer while the kids are young. Mothers are usually (but not always) the ones who remember the minutiae - orthodontists, best friends, schedules, Tim hates peas and so on. Dad will often (but not always) be more of a “macro” parent - driving lessons, algebra homework, pitching tents, maybe he coaches the cricket team Johnny is on, so he’ll do that run. When the reverse is true it is still not equal. I’m not trying to make out that mum does “more” than dad or that what she does is any “more important”, but what these parents do is called “effective co-parenting”. It should be the same whether they are separated or not. What these laws are doing is forcing parents to be something they are not for a lot of the time (mum and dad one week - not a parent at all the next?) and (far worse) depriving children of what they need from each parent a lot of the time. Where parents can get along in that 70% post separation this is still largely possible to a degree, but in litigated cases full of bitterness, conflict and abuse, instead of giving kids a stable home and plentiful, flexible and easy access to their non-resident parent, they are forced into a very abnormal relationship with both of their parents who may not even communicate with each other once the orders are made. What can happen when parents are so polarised with rigid orders is that the kids learn not to trust either parent and either withdraw from both or lash out at both.

Why not live most of the time with one parent, but dad (or mum in some cases) should still be able to take Johnny to cricket each week as he did before and mum should still do the things that she has always done and enjoyed (or was good at)? If dad has always taken Wednesday afternoon off to take the little ones to the park for some bonding (and to give mum a break) why shouldn’t he keep doing it each week? If dad was never home from work for dinner/bath/bed for the baby before, why change that to satisfy some strange notion that it is “in the child’s best interests”? This kind of normalisation in the face of a marriage breakdown gives kids some stability and certainty while the details are sorted out wouldn’t it be in the best interests of the kids to keep their routines as stable as possible? Of course there will always be problems with this - two households means if dad did breakfast and mum did dinner/bath/bed before, it is unlikely to continue.

It will be very interesting to see what becomes of these children raised in shared parallel parenting, whether we are breeding ourselves a generation of selfish and estranged nomads who have learned how to effectively manipulate and control situations with little regard for pain and suffering in others (sound familiar?), or if shared parenting in high conflict actually brings out the best in kids, teaching them to be self sufficient and seek to create a far more stable family than they have come from as they transition to adulthood. I guess only time will tell.

It has given me courage to overcome some of the things from my own past, for that I am grateful for. Thank you Jane for sharing your story and touching so many peoples hearts. You must be a wonderful person, friend, mother and wife. I hope you are living only the best of what life has to offer you.

Rose - All the way from Australia.

I totally agree with you. Robert should and will get that book of his published, as will I.

I hope you find comfort somehow x

Look forward to hearing back from you.

Robin