Introduction

What should I do about my toddler’s tantrums?  How can I ensure my three year old learns to eat healthily?  Should I be worried if my young child has an imaginary friend?  These are just a few of the questions parents of young children may ask but often it is hard to find practical, non-judgemental advice.

As part of the DfES Early Years and Childcare campaign, we have spoken to a number of Early Years and Childcare workers, from childminders to nursery managers and asked them to provide advice in response to a range of common problems faced by parents.  Early Years and Childcare workers can offer valuable tips to parents due to their experience in working with large numbers of children.

Childcare expert scenarios        

Q.5
Every morning before school I do battle with my children to get them up, washed and dressed.  For some reason they hate it and it’s really beginning to stress me out.  The constant fights before the day has barely begun are awful.  What can I do?

A.5
In my experience working in childcare, I have found that a good way to get children to do something they don’t want to do is to make the whole process a game.  You could try getting the children to have a race to see ‘who can get dressed the quickest’, and you could keep score and the winner can choose a treat or activity to do at the weekend, such as going to the park.  As soon as you introduce a competitive element, you will be surprised how quickly children can get themselves organised!

Q.6
I need some advice; my four year old will not go to bed.  Every night we have the same problems and it is really wearing.  If I let him stay up, my eldest child gets cross that her younger brother goes to bed at the same time as her and she starts complaining.  How can I get my little boy to go to bed?

A.6
In my experience working with children I have found that a good way of getting them to go to bed is by getting them into a routine each night.  You could try to start your child’s routine a little earlier than their bedtime, bath them and encourage a bit of quiet time before bed.  Agree to read them a story or listen to calming lullabies, then tuck them into bed and leave them.  Initially it can be helpful to offer an incentive to get them to follow the routine, such as letting them have a friend over to play or going to a park.  If you are consistent, you should find that over time your child will enjoy his bedtime routine but you will have to be patient and expect some setbacks whilst you are establishing the routine.

Q.7
After initial unwillingness, my little girl goes to bed. However, it’s not long before she comes back downstairs under one pretence or another.  Usually she says she needs a drink or she can’t sleep and she does this three or four times a night.  The next morning she is always ratty and tired, what can I do?

A.7
I expect the reason why she keeps coming down is because you pay her attention and like everyone, she likes the extra attention. What I suggest you do when she comes downstairs is get up and take her straight back to bed. Don’t engage in any conversation and keep contact minimal. The aim is to be firm without being harsh. Put her back into bed and then leave her.  You need to be prepared to do this quite a few times at first, but eventually she will understand the boundaries you have set for her and will give up creeping back downstairs.

Q.8
I’m really worried about the behaviour of my two-year-old son.  He has starting trying to hit people whenever he doesn’t get his own way.  How can I show him that this behaviour is wrong?

A.8
When young toddlers try to hit people, they do not realise the harm they are doing.  Often, they are simply trying to gain your attention. In my experience working with children, I have found that a good way to respond to this behaviour is to gently take a child’s hand whenever they try to hit someone, and say “Please don’t hit people because it hurts them”. If you continually repeat this message, over time they usually learn to avoid hurting people.  You should always use your judgement as a parent to decide which solution is best for your child, but another technique I have found successful is distracting children from their anger by encouraging them to move onto another activity or play with a toy instead of hitting.

Q.9
My three-year-old daughter has invented an imaginary friend who she is always talking about.  I am worried this sort of behaviour is bad for her.  Should I try to discourage it?

A.9
There is nothing wrong with a child having an imaginary friend, as it can be healthy for children to stretch their imaginations in this way.  In my experience, children tend to eventually grow out of it and move onto other things.  In the meantime, make sure you provide your child with plenty of opportunities to play with real friends so that she learns the value of real friendships.  I have found this approach to be successful, however it does of course depend on individual circumstances.

Interested in Working with Children?

The DfES has been running a national Early Years and Childcare recruitment campaign since July 2000, which aims to encourage people to consider a career in Early Years and Childcare.  To support the expansion of childcare services it is estimated that thousands of people need to be recruited to work in Early Years and Childcare by 2008.  If you want to find out more information on a career in Early Years and Childcare visit www.childcarecareers.gov.uk or call the helpline 0800 99 66 00.

Introduction

What should I do about my toddler’s tantrums?  How can I ensure my three year old learns to eat healthily?  Should I be worried if my young child has an imaginary friend?  These are just a few of the questions parents of young children may ask but often it is hard to find practical, non-judgemental advice.

As part of the DfES Early Years and Childcare campaign, we have spoken to a number of Early Years and Childcare workers, from childminders to nursery managers and asked them to provide advice in response to a range of common problems faced by parents.  Early Years and Childcare workers can offer valuable tips to parents due to their experience in working with large numbers of children.

Childcare expert scenarios        

Q.1
My youngest son has a problem with sharing and when his friends come round, he won’t let them play with his toys.  I’m worried that his unwillingness to share may prevent him from being invited to other children’s houses.  How can I encourage him to share more?

A.1
Lots of children have difficulty sharing toys as they worry their playmate will not give the toy back.  My suggestion to you would be to get a group of children together with one of their toys and then swap them with each other for a set amount of time – about two minutes.  When the time is up, the children can swap back.  Gradually you can build up the times that the children swop the toys for. In my experience as a nursery worker, as soon as children realise they will get their own things back, they become more willing to share. 

Q.2
Every time my daughter loses a game she gets very upset and cannot accept that she has lost.  I really want to try and teach her that you can’t always win but I don’t know what the best way to do this would be.

A.2
In my experience as a childcare worker I have found that the best approach would be to first explain how nobody likes to lose and that nobody wins games all the time.  I suggest you let her follow your example and play a game where you lose and then show her how to respond to the situation, for example, congratulate the other person and shake their hand.  Children learn most by watching their parents and so can you play a vital role in teaching her the correct behaviour.  When she loses a game, you could remind her of a time when she won and tell her how this time it is the other person’s turn to win.  When she behaves more appropriately, for example shaking hands with the winner, make sure you praise her for her good behaviour.

Q.3
I’m really worried about my children’s eating habits.  I try to give them a balanced diet and always serve them freshly prepared food, but they just will not eat their dinners.  I’ve tried taking away treats, but this doesn’t make them eat, what can you suggest?

A.3
In my experience as a childcare worker I have found the best way to get children interested in food, if they are old enough, is to involve them in the food preparation. By doing this you will increase the chances of them eating the food they helped to prepare.  You could also try making pictures out of the food, for example faces or use fun shaped pastry cutters to cut shapes in food to encourage them to eat.  Vegetables are usually the food type that children dislike the most but clever tricks such as blending them up with something they do like ensures they are getting a balanced meal.  Use your own instincts and remember that you are their biggest influence, so if they see you tucking into a wide range of foods, they are more likely to want to copy you and try new foods themselves.

Q.4
My daughter is the most stubborn child I have ever known.  Once she has made up her mind not to do something she will not budge.  Last week she insisted on wearing summer sandals despite the pouring rain outside and for the whole of the week before she refused to get out of the car to go to nursery.  Her wilfulness is driving me to despair.

A.4
Children often try to test boundaries but in my experience as a childcare worker I have found that the best approach is not to make too much of an issue of it. The more you try to get children to do something the more determined they tend to become.  Shouting and telling children off in these situations can be useless, so try to remain calm.  It’s can be useful to find out exactly why your child doesn’t want to do something; talk to her and ask her if there is a reason she doesn’t want to go into nursery.  If there is persistent refusal to attend nursery I would suggest you speak to the staff and organise a little job for her to do before nursery starts, for example help set up a play area with toys. This way you and your child’s nursery worker can work to find a solution together.

Interested in Working with Children?

The DfES has been running a national Early Years and Childcare recruitment campaign since July 2000, which aims to encourage people to consider a career in Early Years and Childcare.  To support the expansion of childcare services it is estimated that thousands of people need to be recruited to work in Early Years and Childcare by 2008.  If you want to find out more information on a career in Early Years and Childcare visit www.childcarecareers.gov.uk or call the helpline 0800 99 66 00.